Album #2
In Memory of my Sister
Teresa Marie Hanson-Gilmore
September 6, 1953 - July 6, 1999

Seasons of the Mind
by,
Teresa Marie Gilmore

Dedicated to those who suffer from
manic depression

FALLEN RAIN

Come back with me in time, my friend
Step lightly through my past
I surely would not bare my soul
To friendships made of glass

My wish is not to burden you
But draw you close to me
And share with you how hard it's been
To live inside of me

I know that all those sorry times
We're not meant to erase
But serve as a reminder
Of the love I now embrace

So since I cannot change a thing
I choose to wear it well
YOu see it's such a part of me
I just can't say farewell.

So if by chance you look at me
And think you see the pain
My friend it's just a passing glimpse
Of long since fallen rain.


Go way down deep inside yourself
And watch the sun begin
But do not back away if it should
Burn you now and then.

For truth of self is hard to take
Though worth the pain and tears,
And you must deal with you
For the remainder of your years.



Stay as close to loving people
As your life will let you be,
Acceptance must begin before
Your guilt will set you free

There is much compassion in the one
Who writes this poem to you
Let her loving, gentle heart
Come and wrap you in the new.

The old will die reluctantly
Good thoughts won't always stay
Just keep on reaching out
And love will live inside one day.


Although we wish it weren't so
Pain is a foe we shall never escape
Unpleasant as it is,
Pain is the key to growth and wisdom

Character is the result of adversity
Trials bring one to fight
We must all learn to fight
For our beliefs, our individuality

Asser your inner selves
Let the world know how incomparable you are
Let the inside shine
You'll be fine.


THE BARREN YEARS
They told me I was hopeless
There was nothing they could do
I was just another doubtful case
That challeneged all they knew.

For years I lived inside myself
Locked helplessly from life
Denying thoughts of family
For they cut me like a knife.

It's hard to say I coped
I know I cried myself to sleep
As happy memories faded
I had nothing left to keep.

It seemed with every passing year
Despair filled every pore
I forgot that I was human
Or deserving of much more.

To think you're meant to serve your life
Behind immobile walls
Seems an undeserving thought
But one I always will recall.

Though my life has been a joy
In all the days since my release
There is bitterness and hate, I pray
Will someday finally cease.

Give me days to stop the memories
Give me love to ease the pain
Give me strength to carry on
That someday peace I will obtain.


Is it me,
Or my illness that you see?
It seems so useless
To wonder anymore.

I am helpless
Like a wave
Being pulled out to sea
Is it me?

Two minds
One good, one bad
Fight for control
Always feeling the tug
Of uncertainty and remorse

And it seems so useless
To wonder anymore
I cannot develop
What I cannot control

I fell again
Fell into a paranoid depression
And I am tired
Of the fight.

Would you judge me
Or blame me
If I ended this
Squuire cage of a life?

And it seems so useless
To wonder anymore.


Shadows cast a gloomy dance
Mirages set the tune
In the course of my mind
Sailing through
The stream of time

Everpresent shrill radiates
From a hollowed chamber
As I descend into
The quicksand
Of menacing fear

Waves of abhorrent thought
Create swells of distress
In a soul thrust to the elements
Not yet genuine
Not yet free

What I expose to you
I modify, to suit the changing tide
You wish me well
But abhor
The shadows that dance in my mind.


Wrestling
with the weight
of my thoughts today,
I seem determined to let them lay heavy
on me.
The sun is setting
A dashing display
of colors,
And yet,
I see the darkening sky.
A child.
To hold my child, just once
To silence this aching inside me.
To touch my child
just once.
My child,
Who will always live inside of me,
never to be born...
And I continue to mourn.

JOYOUS DELIGHT
YOUR SHOULDER FOR MY TEARS
Might I please express to those,
Who know they have my heart,
I feel I've chosen very well
Your friendships from the start.

I hope you feel I'm here for you
Should life untie your strings,
And I leave my arms wide open
Should you ever need a thing.

In the craziness about us
Lies these friendships I hold ear
May I freely come and ask you for
YOur shoulder for my tears?

I'm so new at being cared for
You just make me feel alive,
It's the feelings that I sense in you
That make this soul survive.

I just felt the need to tell you,
That my love exists for you,
And the way you make me feel
I hope I do the same for you.


This is merely an excerpt from a book she wrote
as she spent so many years in pain and terror
and yet had such a gift for the written word.
If you are interested in a copy of the book
or would like to share your experiences with
manic depression
"Click here to send an email"

Teresa's Memorial
Album #1

Teresa's Memorial
Album #2

Teresa's Memorial
Album #3